I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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