O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
