so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
