I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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