Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
