it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have fence marks all over my body
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
