I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
