dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Will exercising make me less horny?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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