It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
