so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
