I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
