i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
