So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
