You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
