dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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