I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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