Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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