Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
