And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
