I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
