I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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