take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
