Already got asked if we're dating
Please, let me fuck your mom
im having a threesome with these popsicles
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
