You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
