a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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