I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
