Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
