Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
