cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
