You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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