Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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