There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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