Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
