She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
