the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
