hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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