2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
