I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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