i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
