At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
