There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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