I'm jealous of your bromance
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
