So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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