Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
