Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
