just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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