why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
