i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
