i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
