Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
