I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
