another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My vagina just recognized that song.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
