she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
