I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The Olympian is in my bed
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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