It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
