Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
