remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
