sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
