I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
