Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You smell like stripper and shame
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
