Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Fuck appropriateness.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
