i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
