They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
