I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
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Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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