i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
