Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She bit a glass in half.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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