im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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