I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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