someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
