your parents love me but you hate me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
