Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
