Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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