Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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