So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm bleeding and have questions
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
