i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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