Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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